


What He Could've Been

by cloudtalking



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, It's Evermore guys, Knives, M/M, Psychological Torture, Shitty Fanfiction, Torture, i might die it's so bad, i was bored and my power was out i normally don't actually write things, pls help, what do you expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:58:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9968447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudtalking/pseuds/cloudtalking
Summary: Jean Moreau hated Neil Josten. He was everything Jean could never be and more. He thinks things would be different, if Neil was number three instead, and doesn't know if a world like that would be any better than this one.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was bored during a power outage, Idk what else to say.

Jean Moreau hates Neil Josten. He remembers the infuriating smirk on his face as he spit the blood in his mouth back at Riko. He remembers every single one of Neil’s errors relearning backlining, he had to carve them into his skin. Most of all, he remembers the look on Riko’s face as he put the knife in Jean's hand.

_(“You're bound to have learned something after all these years.” Riko said, smirking._

_Jean could only tremble in the darkness of Riko’s dorm with Neil bleeding on the bed and accept the knife.)_

He remembers how he clenched his jaw and whispered insults into his partner’s ear as the knife broke skin. He spoke in French, listing all of Neil’s mistakes during practice. It was something else to focus on.

Jean could never stop himself from wincing when he pressed the blade into Neil's tan flesh. The knife cut through the eighteen-year-old like butter and it left him feeling sick. Apparently, he hadn't learned as much as Riko had hoped because he always had to grab his hand and direct the knife, whispering into his ear.

_(Riko looked delighted as he handed the glinting metal to Jean, instructing him to put the knife there- no, there- and cut Neil open. “You like it too, don't you?” He exclaimed. “It's fun!”_

_Jean’s hands shook, his work getting sloppy. “Shut up.” He muttered in French to the boy below him, it didn't stop the cries of pain he let out, “I said shut up!”_

_Riko slapped him, making Jean’s hand move the knife so it destroyed the pattern he was carving. “Don't talk like that.” He ordered. It was the only rule Jean routinely broke, the only bit of his old life and his sister that he allowed himself to keep._

_Riko clicked his tongue at the mess before him. “You’ve fucked it up.” He glared, “Much like everything you do.” He put his hand over Jean’s and started moving the knife, taunting the screaming boy and starting the word “Nathaniel” somewhere else on his skin._

_He spoke to Jean too, oh how Riko loved to hear himself talk. Jean clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, listening only to Neil’s cries and letting Riko take over.)_

When Jean and Neil were left to clean themselves up, that's when the latter’s sharp tongue reappeared.

_(“You don't do it right.” He bit out as Jean pulled the needle through his skin. “You or Riko.”_

_Jean shrugged. “You still screamed.” Torture was torture, it still hurt._

_“Did I?” Neil asked, voice tired. Jean didn't answer, opting to continue stitching him up in silence._

_“Anyway.” Number four (And who decided he was worthy of that?) persisted, intent on being a pain. “You don't cut deep enough or in the right places, and neither does he. Did he learn from watching horror movies?”_

_Jean refused to acknowledge the weak attempt at an insult, because maybe it had some merit. Riko had gotten the idea of water-boarding Jean from the media, he’d wanted to see if it really hurt as much as they made it look._

_It did.)_

He remembers when he brought Neil to the airport, barely lucid. He looked just like the picture of the boy Riko kept on his wall. A person who used to be an example for Jean.

_(“He could've done it better, if he hadn't been taken from me.” Riko spat at him, “He would've been a better number three than you ever could be.”_

_“But I'm here!” Jean had wanted to say. “I'm here and I'm the best you have!”_

_He stayed quiet._

_Riko, an empty bottle in hand, shifted his gaze back to the picture. “She stole him from me.” He snarled, “The bitch.”)_

Neil didn't _look_ better than Jean right now, but Jean didn't take solace in it. Neil hadn't given up when Jean would've, hadn't stopped rebelling against Riko. Maybe he would've made a better number three, but he wasn't going to be the number four Riko wanted. No matter what chains held him to the Moriyamas.

_(Jean entered the meeting room and tried to brace himself for what would come next. For whatever reason, Riko had called for him. The self-proclaimed king sat at the head of the table, smiling. “It’s even better than I thought!”_

_He held the results of the search on Josten. Josten was Wesninski, who was property. Riko could do anything he wanted to him. He could hurt him, he could kill him. And he had Neil’s name and father to use as blackmail, should he disobey.)_

It hadn’t been Neil's secrets that were used to get him at Evermore, but one of his teammates. It was a reliable way to get to someone, the Raven’s own partner system could attest to that, but to Neil? Jean and Riko had both suspected he might run, but that he didn't try was a mystery in itself.

In the airport it had seemed to be Neil's secrets that were keeping him in West Virginia. He wasn't responding to his name, something he'd been punished for in the nest, and he wouldn't look in any reflective surface. His eyes were squeezed shut to prevent that.

_(“Nathaniel.” Jean snapped at him, impatient. His body was buzzing with anxiety and the need to get back to the nest. The now blue-eyed boy flinched. “Get on the plane.”_

_Neil took small steps, wincing every time he did. Jean could see he was trying to push through, but the torture Riko “didn't do right” had its lasting effects._

_Jean helped him walk there, draping Neil's arm over his shoulder and bending down so it didn't strain the idiot too much._

_Jean looked at Neil’s back wistfully as he boarded. For all that Jean had imagined stepping onto that plane himself, he knew that he’d never have the strength to leave his King.)_

The next time he saw Neil, there was no way he was the same person. Every bit of him screamed triumph, and with Minyard backing him, it seemed like nothing could break him. Which was an odd thought, considering Jean had seen him when he broke, when he screamed and begged for Riko to stop. He thought, maybe, he could do this too. Change into a completely different person. He quickly crushed that hope, he was nothing without exy, nothing without Riko.

“We’re not free.” Neil had said, “But we’re safe.”

He doesn't remember a time when he felt so lost, so untethered to reality. He would've drifted away if not for the slam of the door behind Neil and his dog that brought him back.

Neil Abram Josten is fucking impossible. He fought back against Riko, despite knowing the consequences, he survived his father's wrath, and he survived an encounter with the new Lord Moriyama. Neil has fire that was beaten out of Jean years ago, except his was fed by the pain he had endured. If Neil had been number three instead maybe he would've been a better backliner, but now Jean doubts he'd ever stop fighting the way he did.

Jean comes to the conclusion that Neil Josten is a menace, an extremely lucky idiot, and a liar. He could bullshit Ichirou maybe, but when the Lord realizes his mistake, the master will drag him right back.

Only he never does, and with every passing day in the sunlight with Jeremy Knox smiling at him, he hates Neil Josten a little bit more. He hates being in debt, and this is one he can't ever repay.

**Author's Note:**

> Pls tell me all about my errors! I can't improve If I don't know what I'm doing wrong! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


End file.
